An Unlikely Addiction

I’m a competitive person.

So when I entered into a weight-loss competition with my friend Alec, I had hopes of losing some lbs and showcasing my will to win.

Instead, I lost two pounds over the course of two months. It was a tough pill to swallow. Moreso, I wondered if I could ever get back to how in shape I was at other points in my life…

Silas was born in April and it was easy to make excuses for my steady-weight gain. We had a meal-train that was laced with delicious (and often fried) foods paired with my refusal to work out because “I didn’t have time.”

Those things added up to the highest weight of my life, weeks after the first of our first son. I’d tried a lot of things to that point, but knew that one of the biggest levers I have is my ego. Yes, that thing we normally talk about in a negative way.

I was going to put my ego to the test and that would be the key to losing weight — not wanting to be embarrassed in a competition.

And there I was, only two pounds lighter than two months before. It was one of the most helpless feelings I had for awhile, as I had actually tried to win. Sure, I was thrown off by a bachelor part in Austin with heavy BBQ and mild alcohol consumption as well as multiple dinners for specific events, but the reality is I failed. Over and over again.

I called my Dad. The only person with more confidence in me than me is him. He always has a deep belief in my abilities.

“Dad, why I can’t just have a couple of bites or some dessert in moderation?”

(If you know my Dad, you know this is funny as he is not known for his moderation when it comes to damn near anything).

“You’re not supposed to.”

“What? Elaborate, Dad.”

“It’s all chemicals, all designed in a lab to get you to come back for more.”

That’s when the realization hit.

I am an addict. I act out of impulse. I do things I don’t want to do… because I have a problem. And “they” are okay with that. In a society that seeks profit above all else (usually), it’s no surprise that everything mass produced and concocted by a corporation has the end goal to drive repeat business. What better way than intoxicating your foods and drinks with addictive ingredients?

My Dad’s thought-provoking one-liner changed my perspective and cleared a path forward for me. If I was going to have more success losing weight, I’d have to be aware that I can’t trust myself… until I can.

As multiple people in my life have gone through AA (including my Dad, hence the moderation comment) I figured the best place to start would be reviewing their playbook, one that’s been highly successful in delivering millions from their addiction.

The first step is to admit you are powerless.

I don’t think that’s most people’s initial thought when losing weight — in fact, it’s the opposite. ‘I’m going to try harder,’ ‘I am just going to be strong,’ ‘I can do this,’ ‘*insert David Goggins quote*’. There are a lot of I’s and white-knuckling your way to the promise land.

The second step is to believe that there is a power greater than yourself.

My new lifestyle started with these two steps — one, that I have a problem with sugar, sweets, and treats that I am powerless against, and two, that I have failed to quit this addiction through my own will.

If I am going to defeat this beast of impulse and gluttony, God has to be my driving force. God is far more powerful than I. I don’t trust me, clearly, but I trust God to help me say no and refuse toxins.

With this as my foundation, I settled on a few staples and rhythms and within weeks was seeing and feeling much better. Weeks after that I realized I didn’t even want to stuff my face with ice cream or cookies. I wanted something natural, something that wasn’t as fake as your typical Instagram model.

…

This went well until about January. I had lost nearly 25 pounds, the healthiest I’ve felt since my mid-20s. Slowly, the wheels started to fall off as I got lazy. Winter roared and I began forgetting what had gotten me to such health. Just as my weight loss compounded through weeks of good habits, it unwinded through the same mechanism as one cookie on a Monday turned into two on a Tuesday and the spiral began.

The reality is I am a tired person. I used to take naps everyday in junior high after school. Especially when my diet is bad, my energy sinks even lower and impacts my ability to serve my God, my family, and my community.

There are 7 basic rules I followed that worked for me. Here they are.

1. No eating after 7pm. My treat is tea with a dap of honey if anything.
2. Snacks allowed — fruit, nuts, Good & Gather cookie dough bar (it’s only 4 ingredients!!!), beef jerky, smoothie.
3. My normal breakfast of salami, cheese, sunny side-up eggs, and pita for some dipping.
4. No alcohol.
5. Whenever I’m hungry, I’m probably just actually thirsty — drink water.
6. 100-pushups. And if I’m feeling ambitious, 50–100 stips, 50–100 squats.
7. Daily movement — walks, stretches, basketball, play on the floor with Silas.

Today is March 30th. As any former or current addict will tell you, take one day at a time. So rather than grab some popcorn, I’m going to make myself and Allison to tea. Here’s to a healthier Q2 than Q1.